What would I get in 60 seconds?

Tonight we went to a drawing at a grand opening of Deseret Book in Ammon. The grand prize was a 60-second shopping spree. Jessi had been preparing for this for at least a week. Jessi and her mom even went to the store early to map out their items.

It was pure Mormon-shoppa-mania. We got there about 5 minutes before the drawing, and people were sprinting to the door so they could scribble their names on entry forms. There was very little elbow room in the cramped store. We were lucky that the fire chief didn't come--or that none of us was an arsonist. It was a madhouse.

And how would six Deseret Book employees control shoplifting when people were pouring in and out of the store? We were all on our honor in the store. It's a good thing that we were all members of the church and had been taught not to steal. Or were we? Or does that even matter?

They gave out several mini-prizes before drawing the grand prize. All books, except for a gift basket. When you don't get the grand prize, a book written by Joseph B. Wirthlin is still not all that bad. It's now #3 on my list of new books that I have to read.

Then the ground rules for the 60-second spree were announced. No $500 artwork. No artwork at all. No huge bags or shopping carts. And you have to bring one item up to the counter at a time. If any items drop off the counter, they don't count.

So, if you move like Dash, you could get, like, 1,000 items, right? Or, if you move like a normal person, probably 30-40. Maybe Jessi can move really fast and get one item a second--ramp it up to 60 items?

I had planned on wearing a REALLY BIG shirt and just piling stuff into my shirt, you know? SUCH a good idea. Oh well.

Well, as you're probably guessing, we can't win this drawing--just can't. And didn't. I think an older guy won. Anyway, we all left that DB store pretty fast. Once people realized they weren't going to get something for free tonight, shopping just wasn't as much fun.

I can just imagine what would happen if space aliens were watching us as we were piling into the store and then acting like nincompoops. "Silly consumer earthlings. Look, 200 people were in that small store, and only 5 people left with something. We must conduct a further examination into their strange behavior."

What a great way to spend our Saturday evening.