Wednesday, January 23, 2008

KMart

Is KMart the most depressing store you have ever been to? I had to go there tonight to pick up something. I've always thought that KMart was soooo depressing. I mean, the isles are not nicely stacked, the food court looks so un-appetizing (they are ALWAYS advertising their hot dogs), and the clothing is promoted by some older lady who you've never heard of before.

KMart always has a huge sale going on. You know it's bad when you put "Clearance - 90% off" signs all over the store--and even lining the street in front of the store--and there are NO customers in the store. While just around the corner Walmart is having no "huge" sales, but is, at all hours, totally packed with people.

And what about the fact that KMart still has an entire section of Christmas stuff on sale for 95% off? By this point in January, hasn't everyone forgotten about Christmas decoration shopping?

If I were the owner of KMart, I'd be banging my head against the wall.

Anyway, I grabbed my stuff and left quickly. Every second I was in the store I felt an ounce of life being sucked out of me. The cashiers droopily told me to "have a nice day" as I left. At the moment, that idea felt so paradoxical.

I am SO glad I don't work at KMart. It must be like working at American Panascope in "Joe Versus the Volcano." At least the workers at KMart don't have to deal with flickering hypnotical lights and a boss who is "not arguing that with you." Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan's absolute BEST roles:



So if KMart is so horrible, why did I go there?

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

What do I do now?

How can you reach the end of the Internet? I'm no dummy, I know that hymn that says, "there is no end to the Internet." So now what do I do?

Monday, January 21, 2008

Aargh!

You should NEVER have to scrape the ice off the INSIDE of your windshield!!

Aargh!

Scratching My Head

Some questions about the 2008 presidential campaign:

1. Why do people complain that John McCain is too old? He's only 71. Ronald Reagan was going on 70 when he first entered the Oval Office.

2. Why do people complain that Mitt Romney is too rich? Sure, his father was a governor. But he made his fortune the old-fashioned American way: he worked for it. Shouldn't that be lauded? I'm not rich, but I sure hate rich-bashing.

3. Why doesn't Bill Clinton just shut his yap? People have rightly complained that a Hillary presidency would be controlled by Bill. I think Obama made a shrewd move yesterday when he attacked Bill for making untruthful remarks. By attacking Bill, Obama makes it look like Bill is his opposition rather than Hillary.

4. Why do people make up stories about Obama? Or about Mitt and his religion? The recent email scam about Obama being a radical Muslim was disgusting. Mitt has to deal with it on a daily basis. Why can't we respect people for who they are?

5. Why do Americans write off some of the most educated, knowledgeable and experienced candidates? I know why. We love rock stars. Duncan Hunter, Bill Richardson, Joe Biden, and Chris Dodd are not rock stars, and that's why they're out of the race. But their combined knowledge of security and defense, foreign policy, diplomacy and domestic issues would make one heckuva smart cabinet.

6. Why do people like Mike Gravel, Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul run for office? Better yet, why do they get votes? Someone's going to really ream me for this one.

7. Why do we balance the primaries on Iowa and New Hampshire? Imagine if we picked Idaho and New Jersey as the first states. Or Arizona and North Dakota. Starting out with Iowa and New Hampshire is irrational and arbitrary. But for the life of me, I can't think of a smarter alternative.

Why?

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Soccer Sign-ups

A few days ago I dropped by a local elementary school after work to sign up Jaydn for AYSO soccer.

AYSO is dear to my heart. I played AYSO soccer when I was a boy for probably four straight years. I stunk at it, but it was awesome.

In short, it was an easygoing, wonderful experience for a young boy.

But something happened in the last ten years. Soccer has CHANGED.

I walked into the school and right into the back of a mile-long line. Sign-ups were at 5:30 pm. I got there at 5:25. EVERYONE was already there. And the way the line was moving, I was going to sign up Jaydn by, oh, 11:00 pm?

So I stood there for 20 minutes until someone said, "Oh, there's a shorter line in the lunchroom. This line is for those who filled out the paperwork online."

Paperwork?

Since when does it take "paperwork" to play soccer? Just give them your name and shirt size and you're done.

Not so.

And why is the "online" form line waaayyy longer than the one for those who didn't come prepared? Isn't that what technology was supposed to fix?

Anyway, she was right. The old-fashioned handwritten form line was MUCH shorter than the online-line.

But then I had to fill out the paperwork.

1st contact number. 2nd contact number. 3rd contact. Doctor contact. Work contact. Home contact. Elementary school. Disabilities. Allergies. etc., etc., etc.....

I almost thought I saw social security #, credit card #, and pin #, but then I snapped out of it.

Paperwork galore! All this to play soccer?

Whatever. So, I stood in line filling out the form, but I couldn't hear myself think. EVERY parent had brought their children with them (except me). Not only did they bring their soccer-playing kids, but ALL their kids, it seemed. Why? To hand in a few papers? Kids definitely outnumbered parents 5 to 1. The 3-yr old in front of me was having a 10 minute-long violent scream-tantrum, so the boy behind me got in on the act as well. Of course, THAT boy's mom had just run into her old high school history teacher who was in line behind her, and HE was hitting on her with sickening one-liners.

All the time I was worrying my squeeze'em parking job was going to land me a nice scratch on my driver's side front door.

Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I got up to the front of the line, I handed the lady the $40, gave her the papers, and scrammed. I made sure I walked past the million-man soccer line on the way out so I could give everyone my "na-na, I'm done" look.

On the way home, I couldn't help but laugh inside with wicked glee. I was going home, and most of the people in that building was destined to be there for at least 20 minutes more.

I shouldn't take delight in other people's misery. But I'm so glad I don't have to stand in THAT line again!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Melissa's Birthday



On Sunday we went to my parents' home to celebrate Melissa's 21st birthday. That means I'm going to be 31 this year!?


Happy Birthday... YUK.
Hate and war in the air,
People dying everywhere
but Happy Birthday... YUK.

Rexburg Idaho Temple

This weekend we went to the Rexburg Temple open house. I'd never been to an open house before, and this was pretty neat. It is absolutely stunning inside. It was really neat to take Jaydn through. I recommend that anyone who has a chance to go to a Temple open house DO IT!


We went with Jessi's family. Our good friend Mark Hales came up from Utah with a friend, Andrea Worthen. Mark took this picture from across the street, sitting in his car. It's just too cold to be alive in Rexburg, Idaho, let alone get out of your car.


Jessi looks beautiful but a little out of place dressed in her puletasi in front of so much snow.

What a fun weekend.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Clerks in Paradise

My former co-clerk Michael Weaver is quoted about his experience in AS in this article by Law.com: http://www.law.com/jsp/law/careercenter/lawArticleCareerCenter.jsp?id=1199786727800

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

To do list for 2008:

For me:

Exercise more,

Eat less,

Save more,

Spend less,

Invest more,

Waste less,

Cash more,

Plastic less,

Care more,

Complain less,

Do more

with less,

Love more,

Argue less,

Believe more,

Worry less,

Smile more,

Frown less,

Serve more,

Fight less,

Feel more,

Think less,

Pray more,

Doubt less,

Listen more,

Speak less,

Be more
selfless.

For America:

Exercise more,

Eat less,

Save more,

Spend less,

Invest more,

Waste less,

Cash more,

Plastic less,

Care more,

Complain less,

Do more

with less,

Love more,

Argue less,

Believe more,

Worry less,

Smile more,

Frown less,

Serve more,

Fight less,

Feel more,

Think less,

Pray more,

Doubt less,

Listen more,

Speak less,

Be more

selfless.

Signs of the season

Na-na-na-na! You can't do this in American Samoa!


video

I need a coat? What's that?

I'm gonna get in a lot of trouble for this...

I've never seen my mother-in-law dance like this. On the other hand, I have seen Jaydn dance like this.

video

Here's another great dance by Jaydn:

video

Oh boy, am I gonna get it!